Dear Juntanistas,
The Junta Idiot has been on a roll lately.
1) Monday: Mosaic of Foie Gras and Black Angus Beef Cheek, Satur Farms Beets, Wagyu Carpaccio, Peppercress, HORSERADISH
2) Tuesday: Duo of Abalone: Slow Baked with Paprika, Cauliflower Purée, Tempura with Early Mesclun, Ibérico Ham, HORSERADISH
3) Wednesday: Poached Atlantic Halibut with Saffron-Mussel Velouté, Fava Bean Fricassée, Sweet Bell Peppers, Wild Rice, HORSERADISH
4) Thursday: Trio of …. Alright! I admit it! You see right through me. Lies! All lies! The insecurity is killing me though.
The truth is it’s been a whole lot of pasta and tomato sauce lately, nothing too interesting. I’m ashamed.
… but wait a minute. Nothing too interesting? Nothing too interesting! Wash my mouth out with soap and beet salad.
Pasta and tomato sauce remains the unsung hero of the bachelor kitchen. We take its domination of the singles cooking scene for granted. When Lebron James scores a billion points, dunks on a stable of 7-foot Eastern Europeans while flashing his pearly white smile (and does it night after night) do we say “nothing too interesting?”
Of course not! Pasta and tomato sauce has stared down and, through the sheer force of its affordability, wholesomeness, ease-of-preparation and tastiness, has vanquished all comers 3 nights in a row (alright … 5 nights). So while matzoh brei and Kefir might take the spotlight in this esteemed space, let’s remember who’s performance is so consistently stellar we forget to even recognize it. Pasta + Sauce — mad props, yo. No recipe necessary.
Okay. But the real topic of this post is Mayonnaise. Juntanistas, if you’ve written off mayonnaise you are making a mistake. The creamy white revolution is ripping through Santiago de Chile right now. The pioneer, Domino, is serving up hot dogs lavishly garnished with their show-stealer homemade mayo. Homemade mayonnaise has become the ante of the Chilean upscale fast-food scene poker game.
We all know that yuppie-choked US cities (NYC in particular) have a fetish for what I term “ironic gourmet.” Think of the foie grois topped burgers, PB&J restaurants, pricey rice pudding shops and guacamole samplers. The restaurants claim some special insight into the dish and present a menu chock full of different variations (while usually terming one variety “The Original” or “The Classic”). Mark my word, homemade Mayo is next.
The “ironic gourmet” scoresheet goes something like this:
- Seems vaguely foreign/minority: + 20 points
- Associated with your childhood/camping: + 30 points
- Served at nice restaurants: -50 points
- Can be combined with Nutella: + 40 points
- First location in Williamsburg: + 15 points
- You could conceivably charge 20x the ingredient costs:+100 points
By my reckoning, homemade mayo scores a 170 depending on how much you like Nutella.
.. And some top secret intel for you: Claire will be presenting her homemade mayo (she calls it aioli, psh) tomorrow. Consider yourself “teased”
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This is special, Phil.
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