Milkshakes are the next front of the food revolution in this country. Hear me out on this.
We’ve had the sweet dessert: the cupcake fad is kind of out of control, though I’m not going to badmouth it too much since my sister is completely nutso over the little bastards, so I guess yay for cupcakes. The point is you can find so many different kinds of cupcakes out there now that people are devoting whole bakeries to this little nugget of tooth decay. There’s no escaping so you might as well join in.
We’ve had the savory sandwich: Not only have people been screwing around with burgers and hot dogs for awhile now, but there’s the insanity over banh mi, the mind-numbingly delicious Vietnamese sandwich that everyone seems to be eating or selling in New York these days. Don’t get me wrong on this one, folks, I am a firm believer in this part of the revolution. There may have been a lot of crap that came out of the French colonization of Vietnam, but there was a whole lot of good food too.
What we’re missing now is the drink portion of our uprising, something to wash down those tasty morsels of mutiny as we march on toward the fat and happy climax of our dietary habits. That vessel, comrades, is the milkshake. And not just any milkshake will do. No, vanilla is way too vanilla and chocolate hasn’t undertaken any coups in the food world since the 1950’s. In fact, I think the last time anybody said anything good about a milkshake was when a greasy-haired John Travolta was sitting across from a rather spooky Uma Thurman in a thoroughly overhauled Cadillac, talking about overpriced food. And they were both stoned out of their minds. No, what we need is a hero.
Enter the mighty avocado.
Not only delicious and unassuming, it’s nutritious too. Boasting 60% more potassium than a banana, the highest fiber content of any fruit, and able to drop your cholesterol levels by around 22% in a week (look it up), this little S.O.B. is a savior if I ever saw one. And I know what you’re thinking. “Avocado milkshake? Are you high?” No, good sir, I am not. I just happen to love me some alligator pears slopped up and chilled in a glass. And why not? I mean, it is just a gigantic berry after all. Plus the good people of the Philippines, Indonesia, Brazil, and Vietnam have been doing this kind of thing for generations. Just look at the banh mi if you need more evidence that the Vietnamese know what they’re doing.
Yes, this is exactly the kind of leadership we need to make this revolution really take flight. So bust out your blenders, boys and gals, we’re gonna show this country what a real milkshake tastes like!
I first encountered this glorious concoction at a Vietnamese spot in Sunset Park in Brooklyn. New York Magazine had written up their recommendations for the top ten banh mi joints in New York City and I had to know what gold tasted like. Little did I know that I’d be slurping down what would become my raison d’être, my own personal message of peace and love to the world. Seriously, the first time I made this at home, I ran out into the street and forced a complete stranger to take a whopping gulp of it. And y’know what? They loved it. The following was adapted (and is constantly being tweaked) from what I savored that fateful day in Sunset Park.
12 ice cubes
1/3 cup sweetened condensed milk
1¼ cup milk
Just throw it all in and crank that mother up. I find that starting at lower speeds like “Grind” and working my way up to “Obliterate” works best not only to pulverize the dozen ice cubes but also create a nice milky froth. This version of the recipe produces a thin-ish yet flavorful milkshake so if you’re looking for something a little thicker, cut the milk back to a cup. The sweetened condensed milk here is key because it aligns with the flavors of the avocado in a way that sugar just can’t. Trust me on this.